Move Beyond The World of Artisanal Cheese: France's Crisps Represent Absolutely Sinful.
Over the holidays, I found myself in the French countryside, an area that appeared on its best behaviour. Discreet, sparkling decorations, outdoor market stands overflowing with exquisitely fresh fruit and vegetables, and a vast array of cheeses capable of clogging every mile of the Chunnel with dairy fat. Heaping dishes of lustrous seafood on ice visible behind steamy café panes. As I watched a lengthy yet well-mannered procession of well-dressed citizens picking up their handmade yule logs, I mused, with some guilt, that my home town, York, that transforms into a modern reimagining of a scene of decadence over the holidays with vape pens in festive pie flavours and pre-mixed cocktails, would do well to absorb some pointers.
The Sophisticated Front
Yet all this “art de vivre” stuff is just an elegant facade – The country falls victim equally to its lowest desires as the rest of us. Just go into a local *supermarché* and you’ll see. The crisp aisle is an absolute sink of depravity, lined with the likes of blue cheese, spiced bean patty, *carbonade flamande* and *beurre salé* tastes. Who in their right mind tries chips that taste of butter? It brings to mind a product found at the notorious US state fairs where they submerge butter patties in hot oil. One popular comic has asserted they represent the pinnacle of snacking she’s ever tasted, however she has undoubtedly been influenced by some kind of Breton brainwashing – she grew up in *Bretagne*.
A Global Lawlessness
I know the world of potato chip seasoning worldwide operates with as few rules as major tech firms. No one will allow the humble spud to shine on its own, embellished as it should be by a simple, respectful sprinkle of sodium. Our own nation possesses a dubious legacy regarding chip varieties across Britain, especially at this time of year. Recently, let us not forget, introduced Christmas-cake flavoured crisps and special-release pastry-and-meat potato snacks. And who could forget the occasion when a major retailer thought “prosecco and winter berry” was an appealing flavour for a savoury snack? I had higher hopes from the nation of culinary masters.
What is the logical conclusion? Foie gras crisps? Cream puff crisps? Gauloises? I should stop, I’m only giving them ideas.